So I haven't written in a while...

I have tried to spend as many time with Dan as possible, and finale things are coming back to normal.

Since its a holiday and his mom is on a trip (I knew I had to spend this weekend here), I slept over his house 2 days in a row.

Of course my mom doesn't know. But even if she did, she wouldn't understand I HAD to do this.

Besides, I'm not doing anything wrong. I even got my periodo. ¬¬

So I decided to let go of everything that was going wrong between us.

THIS is what I need. I need to be with him because he makes me feel like I have everything I ever wanted.

Dan picked me up at the bus stop, and although he was treating me nicely, he wouldn't hug me, or touch my hand.

We did the usual thing, I told him about my weeked, about the robbery, didn't tell him about the 'end' of the night and what I really thinked about this weekend.

When I had put all my stuff in place, we layed down and talk. After hearing him say how he was dessapointed in me, and how can I want to be a different person if my acts are different (guess what, he didn't know me exactly before I come to vitória, how can he actually judge me), that got me kind of mad. But I was up to giving him another chance, giving our selves another chance.

I can't trough a 3 months (sounds like little, but not so little when you have as much as I have with him) away like that. So I did what I do best, pretend I don't care.

We made up really cute, and the next thing we know we were making promisses to be like we were before.

So the person I was this weekend, someone who only thought about being single and hooking up with other guys, not having someone to love, that just wants to have fun, was NOBODY when it was at Dan's arms.

I said a few posts ago that I wanted to go home so badly, to finally find out that actually home was here, with Dan who cared about me.

It was a long day saturday.

After my house being robbed, I decided I had to have a little fun.

Tiago called and told me if I decided to go somewhere, that I sould call him when I decide where it is that maybe he would go by.

Guido asked If I wanted to go out with him (meaning out, like to a bar or something). So I said yes. We went to Terra Brasilli's, but Abraao couldn't stay there, so AS USUAL we headed down to Mimi.

Me, Martinha, Abraao, Guido and Thais.

And we had an awesome time, we talked a lot, and I heard what they had to say about my relationship with Dan.

They totally think I'm making a fool of my self.

Anyways I was almost sure I wasn't afraid Dan would break up with me, maybe almost sure I WANTED to break up with him. It's horrible when all the 'teory' lead to that...

Beside hearing to them say how much I am a fool, I had to hear them say that Paulo was the one who really adored me, and how I was stupid to leave him. It got me thinking if I'm ever gonna regret dumping him. I did it because of Igor, thinking he was the real ONE, and it ended up that he usen't... But as so, I broke up with Igor because of Dan thinking HE was the real new ONE, and I'm not sure after all if he really is...

I decided that if he isn't, I will defiantly stop trying.

And, guess what? Don't even ask me how I got home. 

This morning me and my mom went to do some exams (which I can't forget to say it hurted a lot).

When we were on our way back we found my uncle and he told us someone invaded our house and it was full of cops in the front.

We got a ride with a friend who was driving by and when I got home I ran inside to see what they got.

So they robbed (I mean, he robbed, since it was just one guy) $100 I was saving, 3 cellphones (including my only one), and my dad's ring (it was what was the most expensive thing).

So that was all the drama. The cop was really 'funny', ¬¬.

And Dan still angry at me and I decided I don't really need him to be happy , right? So when I get home I'm gonna say 'if you're gonna stay like that then we better don't talk untill you're nice with me' , and if takes him more than a week to 'FORGIVE' me, then I'll finally call my self single.

About the pregnancy test? it was negative. thank God.

Anyways, I wasn't REALLY worried.

What I'm really worried and upset is Dan. Today I saw that he wrote about his 'passions' in his orkut a song that says 'You say you don't know'...

Gosh it hurts me so much, makes me cry just to think about it.

And all I think about is if I should care, or not. I gave him everything I could, all my love, I did everything for him, and this is what I get back? I never liked anyone like I like him, and THIS IS what I get back?

it's just too upseting.

Feels like the world could end in exactly 8 minutes because that's when my pregnancy test is due.

And I keep asking my self how did I let something like this happening. Even though I took all the precautions I could, it's not normal for my period not to be coming, besides I took the medicine, it should've comed.

Anyways, I'm leaving right now to go get the test, my mom is going with me and I've never felt more ashamed in my life than when the lady asked me if I was thrilled about being a mom. COME ON! I'm 17 years old, how can I exactly be happy about this?

It looks like Dan picked the wrong day to treat me bad. Yesterday when I called he wasn't answering me well, and I hung up upset. I might not call him again, wait untill I go home to talk.

Let's just hope a baby doesn't come along.

Please, make me happy.

I woke up and it was cold.

Still there aren't any bus working, so we have to stay home.

It's cold, and there's nothing to do. Dan's internet isn't working and there isn't a way that he could come here.

Really, I'm dying to go home.

This is boring. =/

:*

I feel like going home this weekend.

There are no bus around Vitória, so we are not having school this days.

Besides that, I can use a little time with my mom and my dad...I've been feeling kind of blue this days. Probably PMS.

I was looking trough some pictures this afternoon and it looks like I don't even remember who I used to be, how I used to feel, and what my plans were. Anyways, I don't even know if I want to be that person again. Things won't go back to the way they were, even though sometimes I wish it would, and sometimes I don't. THIS is what I hoped for, I've been working so hard to get where I am.

I haven't seen Dan this days, and I miss him. Maybe this was what we needed, a few days away from each other. (Come on, it's been 2 days since I've seen him, we never stayed apart for so long). And now, with me going home, probably will be the best thing to do.

I miss being the girl who believes that someone is waiting for her. The girl who would sleep smiling thinking about someone and knowing that person is also thinking about her. I miss being so happy that real life was better than dreams.

I miss smiling.